A patient raises his arm over his head and says to the physician, “Doctor, it hurts when I do that.” The physician immediately shoots back, “Then don’t do that.” Old Henny Youngman joke.

With all the talk of health care reform, I hear very little of where the doctors are going to come from who will service all of the new patients that will receive medical care. The nuances of the Health Care Reform Act are beyond the scope of this column, except to say that I believe political resolution would be more quickly achieved if the bill provided free breast implants for girlfriends of Democrats and free penis enlargements for Republicans. Yes, I am a proud Democrat.

But even now it’s easier to get a quickie in the pulpit than it is getting a routine doctor appointment. I’m sure that I saw Fred Flintstone in the waiting room of my doctor waiting for an exam.

So where will the doctors come from to service all of the previously uninsured citizens who will now be covered under the Health Care Act? Are medical schools, which are harder to get into than Jessica Simpson’s panties (Don’t get me started. To me she’s still the bitch that broke up 98 Degrees just when they were hitting their peak.) No, medical schools will maintain their standards. At least I hope they will, I don’t want my heart surgeon’s first word to be duuuuuude.

So where does that leave us? Well, one possibility is holistic medicine. I am certainly no expert, but thousands of people improve their health through chiropractors, herbal treatments, acupuncture and, my favorite, massage.

Don’t get me wrong. When he’s not giving me a prostate exam, I love my doctor. It’s just that we may not have any choice but to demystify and utilize alternative treatments. The Health Reform Act is sweeping litigation and, if implemented, will change all of our lives. I am neither for it nor against it. I am, however, for common sense and that common sense tells me that more patients without more doctors means less treatment per patient. Call me crazy (no, don’t do that – I may not be covered) but not many of our politicos have covered that issue.

So, I expect that I may start considering medical options that don’t include an MD or a script pad. Besides, who knows, maybe by my next checkup, my prostate will be in better hands.

And that is my legal opinion.